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A NATION GRIEVES
By Tom Ellis
Can you recall what year the traumatic events of September 11th changed our lives? Do you quickly re-live those terrible images that remain etched in our minds? Are you surprised by how quickly you can recall where you were, where your loved ones were, and how you first heard of all the tragedy?
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September 11, 2001 was a day that forever re-shaped our view of the world. We began to speak as we have never spoken before. There is this real sense of America before terrorism struck and the America we know now. We experienced scenes that are beyond our capacity to fully comprehend. How could this be happening to our country? Can we really tell our children that they are safe? The questions seem endless and we are left with the resulting trauma and grief.
I have had the privilege of working with individuals and families when loved ones die in traumatic ways, including those killed by terrorists on 9-11. Being mindful of that day will bring back those painful thoughts and feelings you experienced, as the writing of this article brings strong emotions forward for me. The stories of how people died and how the heroes of that time stepped into the rubble are readily remembered in a multitude of ways. The reactions you experience may include deep sadness, overwhelming grief, or traumatic stress.
Grief is a crazy-making, complicated process. It is part of life’s critical transitions, its times of loss. These losses include not only endings – dying and death – but also beginnings, which start with grief and mourning. As you experience this anniversary of tragedy, you discover that this process is about dynamic changes that will ebb and flow as they may. It is not something that has ultimately gone away through various stages.
This thing called grief is a continuing personal process, a struggle to acknowledge the life changing impact of loss. It affects the behavioral, cognitive, emotional, physical, and spiritual dimensions of the self. Grief is depriving and painful in that it acknowledges that something has been taken away. You are left with a painful void.
You may also experience some trauma reactions or post traumatic stress disorder (P.T.S.D.) as reminders of 9-11 return. Common trauma reactions may include cognitive changes with poor concentration, loss of memory, preoccupation with the loss, mood swings and increased anxiety. Physical symptoms may include rapid heartbeat, difficulty breathing, nausea, trembling, sleep disturbance and changes in appetite. Changes in behavior, emotions and spirituality may also be present. If you have any concerns about these responses, contact your physician or a therapist who has a competency in working with complicated grief and trauma.
This is a time to be mindful of what choices you make in your day. Restoring a sense of safety and control will bring comfort during these challenging times. Avoiding over stimulation, self medicating with alcohol and drugs, violent images and words in the media, and negative relationships can become part of your plan
What is required to maintain a healing process and gain a sense of hope and resilience?
- Create a self care plan. This is a good time to simplify your daily routine and rest.
- Find a place of peace in or outside of your home where you can acknowledge your feelings and embrace a sense of hope. Exercise, eating well and relaxation should become your new friends.
- Seek support through healthy relationships. This is not a good time to become isolated in your thoughts and feelings. Isolation can increase the negative reactions and skew our ideas of what helps. Nurturing behavior and self care is required.
- Create a meaning making plan. Integrate your experience by sharing your story with others or through writing. Healing activities, rituals and spiritual practices will help in balancing your life.
- Live your life. Give your self permission to play and incorporate some humor in your day. It’s O.K. to smile, laugh and enjoy the other parts of your life.
Thomas Ellis is the Executive Director of the Center for Grief, Loss & Transition, based in St. Paul, MN.
He is the published author of This Thing Called Grief: New Understandings of Loss, Syren Book Company, 2006.
The Center is staffed by experienced pros with specialized education and training in the most current methods.
(meet the team)
Tom Ellis, MA
Licensed Marriage and
Family Therapist,
Executive Director, and Clinical Supervisor
Tom is a marriage and family therapist at the Center with a special focus on trauma. He is also a clinical supervisor, consultant, writer, trainer and critical incident de-briefer. (more)
Sarah Logan, MA
Program Director
Grief Therapist
Sarah provides therapy to individuals, families, groups and children. She has worked in school settings and with young mothers, teenagers and children. (more)
Gayle Sherman Crandell, MA, LPC
Development Director
Therapist and Trainer
Gayle Sherman Crandell is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Development Director at the Center for Grief. (more)